Hello! March on and March Madness! It’s been a great month. I said goodbye to my full time job at the end of February, and have pretty much spent March, chasing my tail (insert smirky smiley face here). So far, I have done a few house projects.. not many.. but a few, after all I am a Stay at home mom now?? I’ve managed to continue my Weekly planning sessions through a women’s group I created on Facebook called Coffee, Conversations, and Calendars. I’ve began about 3 businesses in my head.. and silenced 2 of those ( for now) and I have returned to a small avenue of side income through a direct sales business. If you’ve read my blog.. yes you know the one.
It’s 6 am ish right now.. and I have just spent about an hour in bed with my heart beating so fast, thinking about my blog. and what i need to begin to do with it. My blog has been a hobby since day 1. To be perfectly honest with you, I am ready and willing to stretch it out more and buckle down to make it more.
In my heart, i guess it’s what i have wanted all along, have I said this before? I do want to write more, i do dream of writing a book, and ultimately being a source of encouragement to others like and not like me. You know, I can feel the relief flowing through me as I write, It’s just this stupid perfectionism crap. Ya know I have like 3 drafts.. (yeah not a lot i know) but i have drafts of posts I’ve been trying to write and I just couldn’t stomach to finish and publish, why? Not being good enough.. For who? I gotta be honest, I’ve been kicking myself in the butt lately for not being more public and loud about this here blog. I’ve been writing now for almost 2 years, and yes it was a outlet source for me through some very hard times and i guess i wasn’t willing to share those deep corners of my heart, my insecurities, my fear, my life. I didn’t go to blog school ( lol ) YET .. and well i guess i figured the right people would stumble across my writings as God sees fit, but I’ve also heard that shyness is actually selfishness. Think about that, why would I not share myself with others, I may need them and they may need me!
I’ve met some people through social media platforms regarding blogs, and I’ve had a reader or two reach out and share that some things i have written has sparked a beautiful change in them, and that’s a beautiful thing. Yes I write for me, yes i want to leave these notes behind for my children, but i do want to impact others, I do want to be impacted by others, and I do want to be purposeful! Is that validation?
I have set up conversations with other bloggers and am about to embark on some education for myself to really turn this thing into a real blog. Ok, so I said “set up conversations” meaning they haven’t really happened. What I find when I sit with others is that they wanna share what they’re doing too, and they want others like me to read what’s going on with them, they want to be purposeful too. Is that validation?
This week I was to meet with someone and we were going to answer some of my questions regarding my blog, and I guess I was feeling stuck. (I am in between switching over to a .com and setting up an actual website,) So I had some questions on that. I arrived to the place we were to meet only to find out at the time we were to meet, that she wasn’t coming. Ok, things come up, life happens. Anyways, I shook it off quickly, and decided to go into the restaurant, have breakfast, and work on my blog myself. It was some nice quiet and alone time. But before I got out of my car, I heard God say,
Why do you seek the approval and validation from others. Do you not know child I am all you need, and I am within you.
(During my loneliest moments Jesus has always appeared to walk with me, hand in hand. He is with me. Yes, there are very insightful tools online, and yes school should never ever be out for anyone. God also sends people to help you and lead you, and at that moment, I knew. Right people Right time. Earlier when I said I had created 3 businesses in my head.. this is no joke, I actually created them. I took time to research, gather information, seek validation from others (aka ask opinion of others) These were great businesses that could work.. But at the end of the day, there was no flow.. It was a struggle, I had to justify too much, make too many exceptions, and the winds were against me. Yes, that’s what real grit is, the stuff that makes for good stories of how i beat the odds, but sometimes, you gotta just let go and ride with the wind and not against it. God is the creator of the universe, and the way the universe flows, sometimes, and I’m sure mostly is correct. It’s THE WORLD that tells us to turn back, and that we gotta struggle to find our strength. I have found much strength in my struggles, but it doesn’t ALWAYS have to be that way. The universe knows what it’s doing.. It’s like today, I wanted to sleep in till at least 8 am. But the tossing and turning.. dude my heart was racing.. I kept thinking about this Blog and about giving it the time it deserves. I could have simply closed my eyes and fallen back to sleep or laid in bed, and let my body rest, but I knew that my heart was racing to my computer, and that the universe simply knows what it’s doing. It is and was in fact created by God.
So, I say to you, the universe, and more so, GOD knows what he’s doing, God knows who and what you need always. I can tell you, it has taken me time, patience, learning from mistakes, and FAITH to really let go and trust God, to not seek the approval of others, although sometimes, I think we all at times need validation, or at least we think we do, we are only human after all.
I am a Work-in-progress and I will admit how freeing it has been to shed the care of other’s opinions, but God’s not done with me yet. So yes, continue this journey with me, I am ready to shine more light on my writing, pick up the pace, and do more with the precious time God has allotted me and live to tell!
Speaking of time, It’s a beautiful thing to spend some quality time with our heavenly father, sometimes, he’s just got to come and take it, which I am grateful for. God is looking out for you and more than anything everything you need is right within you. Fellowship and friends are a beautiful thing, but let’s not forget the best friendship and fellowship we can have with God, and ourselves. Serve God, Love others, Be good to you, Be kind, Listen to when others speak, really listen, and always always always;
Trust YOUR Journey Beauty. ❤