Why do we seek Validation?

Hello! March on and March Madness! It’s been a great month. I said goodbye to my full time job at the end of February, and have pretty much spent March, chasing my tail (insert smirky smiley face here). So far, I have done a few house projects.. not many.. but a few, after all I am a Stay at home mom now?? I’ve managed to continue my Weekly planning sessions through a women’s group I created on Facebook called Coffee, Conversations, and Calendars. I’ve began about 3 businesses in my head.. and silenced 2 of those ( for now) and I have returned to a small avenue of side income through a direct sales business. If you’ve read my blog.. yes you know the one.
It’s 6 am ish right now.. and I have just spent about an hour in bed with my heart beating so fast, thinking about my blog. and what i need to begin to do with it. My blog has been a hobby since day 1. To be perfectly honest with you, I am ready and willing to stretch it out more and buckle down to make it more.
In my heart, i guess it’s what i have wanted all along, have I said this before? I do want to write more, i do dream of writing a book, and ultimately being a source of encouragement to others like and not like me. You know, I can feel the relief flowing through me as I write, It’s just this stupid perfectionism crap. Ya know I have like 3 drafts.. (yeah not a lot i know) but i have drafts of posts I’ve been trying to write and I just couldn’t stomach to finish and publish, why? Not being good enough.. For who? I gotta be honest, I’ve been kicking myself in the butt lately for not being more public and loud about this here blog. I’ve been writing now for almost 2 years, and yes it was a outlet source for me through some very hard times and i guess i wasn’t willing to share those deep corners of my heart, my insecurities, my fear, my life. I didn’t go to blog school ( lol ) YET .. and well i guess i figured the right people would stumble across my writings as God sees fit, but I’ve also heard that shyness is actually selfishness. Think about that, why would I not share myself with others, I may need them and they may need me!
I’ve met some people through social media platforms regarding blogs, and I’ve had a reader or two reach out and share that some things i have written has sparked a beautiful change in them, and that’s a beautiful thing. Yes I write for me, yes i want to leave these notes behind for my children, but i do want to impact others, I do want to be impacted by others, and I do want to be purposeful! Is that validation?
I have set up conversations with other bloggers and am about to embark on some education for myself to really turn this thing into a real blog. Ok, so I said “set up conversations” meaning they haven’t really happened. What I find when I sit with others is that they wanna share what they’re doing too, and they want others like me to read what’s going on with them, they want to be purposeful too. Is that validation?
This week I was to meet with someone and we were going to answer some of my questions regarding my blog, and I guess I was feeling stuck. (I am in between switching over to a .com and setting up an actual website,) So I had some questions on that. I arrived to the place we were to meet only to find out at the time we were to meet, that she wasn’t coming. Ok, things come up, life happens. Anyways, I shook it off quickly, and decided to go into the restaurant, have breakfast, and work on my blog myself. It was some nice quiet and alone time. But before I got out of my car, I heard God say,

Why do you seek the approval and validation from others. Do you not know child I am all you need, and I am within you.

(During my loneliest moments Jesus has always appeared to walk with me, hand in hand. He is with me. Yes, there are very insightful tools online, and yes school should never ever be out for anyone. God also sends people to help you and lead you, and at that moment, I knew. Right people Right time. Earlier when I said I had created 3 businesses in my head.. this is no joke, I actually created them. I took time to research, gather information, seek validation from others (aka ask opinion of others) These were great businesses that could work.. But at the end of the day, there was no flow.. It was a struggle, I had to justify too much, make too many exceptions, and the winds were against me. Yes, that’s what real grit is, the stuff that makes for good stories of how i beat the odds, but sometimes, you gotta just let go and ride with the wind and not against it. God is the creator of the universe, and the way the universe flows, sometimes, and I’m sure mostly is correct. It’s THE WORLD that tells us to turn back, and that we gotta struggle to find our strength. I have found much strength in my struggles, but it doesn’t ALWAYS have to be that way. The universe knows what it’s doing.. It’s like today, I wanted to sleep in till at least 8 am. But the tossing and turning.. dude my heart was racing.. I kept thinking about this Blog and about giving it the time it deserves. I could have simply closed my eyes and fallen back to sleep or laid in bed, and let my body rest, but I knew that my heart was racing to my computer, and that the universe simply knows what it’s doing. It is and was in fact created by God.
So, I say to you, the universe, and more so, GOD knows what he’s doing, God knows who and what you need always. I can tell you, it has taken me time, patience, learning from mistakes, and FAITH to really let go and trust God, to not seek the approval of others, although sometimes, I think we all at times need validation, or at least we think we do, we are only human after all.
I am a Work-in-progress and I will admit how freeing it has been to shed the care of other’s opinions, but God’s not done with me yet. So yes, continue this journey with me, I am ready to shine more light on my writing, pick up the pace, and do more with the precious time God has allotted me and live to tell!
Speaking of time, It’s a beautiful thing to spend some quality time with our heavenly father, sometimes, he’s just got to come and take it, which I am grateful for. God is looking out for you and more than anything everything you need is right within you. Fellowship and friends are a beautiful thing, but let’s not forget the best friendship and fellowship we can have with God, and ourselves. Serve God, Love others, Be good to you, Be kind, Listen to when others speak, really listen, and always always always;

Trust YOUR Journey Beauty. ❤

Advertisements

Moving Forward

An Open Road can be a beautiful thing. It can be filled with possibilities, new things and places to see, adventure, you get it. It can also be filed with doubt fear, uncertainty and the unknown. 

Here we are, February. Gosh, all the things i have wanted to write about. Where do i begin. Ah yes, Moving forward. So back in December i had pretty much decided I wanted to leave my job as the GM of a very cool, very popular local restaurant. I attempted to leave and did not succeed. Well, i recanted my decision.  It was the busy season and we had so much going on, I did not want to leave them just like that. I read a quote today ..here let me find it.

When You Bring Peace to your Past, you can move forward to your Future. – Author unknown

So I had to leave in peace, I needed that. Being in a leadership position, is one I do not take lightly. When you sign up for it, it is a commitment. So if you know the story, you know this position was never part of my plan, but i do believe it was God’s plan, the position was handed to me and I accepted the challenge. I didn’t know where this road would lead, but i decided to walk on it. It’s been fun. I’ve met some really cool people and i have grown from the experience. At the end of the day, it was simply not where i saw myself in 5 years, so it was best to just go ahead and leave the relationship. I have resigned and will be leaving my post next week.

Ok, let’s rewind a bit. A few months ago I wanted to write a blog titled  AM I WRONG?       ( i now know the answer to that question is heck no! ) Am I wrong was basically about the fact, that as a mother and wife, I had/have a longing to be at home. Not work from home, but, simply be in my home, tending to it, my husband and my children. I think Society and the Economy had led me to believe i was simply wrong and should be made to feel guilty for wanting to stay at home. Now i know many stay at home moms and SAHM is a job title.. but I have always been a working mom. In fact there were times, where staying at home would have drove me nuts. I am an independent , hard-working woman, but that didn’t take away from the fact that I wanted to , that I want to simply care for my family. I’ve had countless conversations with women lately about how we feel like were supposed to be these superwomen. That in entirety is a whole separate conversation, but i was literally feeling guilty for what I feel was the right thing for me to do at the time.       (I respect all walks and seasons in life)

As we have established, my babies are not babies in fact my youngest 2 are in high school, but as a within 5 year possibly empty nester, I couldn’t help think, i would have wished to spend more time with them, and I might add, I think at this age they need you more (only they don’t think so).

I’m not even gonna state that i live in the real world and money and blah blah.. because I live in the world that i choose to create, which is why, i simply do not settle for anything less than what fulfills me. But yes the outcomes of the roads i choose are the risk that i take.  Ever gone really far on a road trip and a storm comes, or you get a flat tire? You keep going! You can keep headed to the next town, or you can always go back to where   you came from. Either way.. You just keep moving.

So after praying and praying and praying some more, lo and behold. My husband approaches me with a plan. My husband, bless his beautiful heart, says “I have a financial plan for you to get out of your job, focus on your Blog and projects( New Podcast, Weekly Meetup group, Website, and Social Media Stuff) for a few months.” We have both agreed the time off will be nice for me to focus on our home, my desire to serve my family.

We are and always have been a two income household. My family very much depends on my income, we have agreed this is temporary, but we also both know there is more ahead for both of us. You see, I have prayed and prayed, I submitted my request to both God and my husband, and I can’t help but to feel blessed for even just a break to be home and care for my loved ones. I’m excited and the open road has endless possibilities. It’s like i-10 or Route 66 .. Many places and ultimately landing at my next destination. It doesn’t stop until the good Lord calls me home.

By the way, My husband has prayed about this too and I can see the peace in his eyes with this plan. I can’t say I wasn’t nervous, or fearful, but staying somewhere where you are not fulfilled wasn’t worth it anymore, for both of us. God knows where he is taking us, he knows the timing of this ” break” and he knows the path he has laid out for us. It is up to us to hear the calls ,to listen, to act in obedience and to trust him.

Psalm 37:5

Commit your way to the Lord , Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.

 

Well, we are trusting in the Lord. We are committed, and we choose to walk in faith. If God wills it, my last day at my current job is next week.  As a side note and if you read my article titled Backslider, this will be relevant, but i haven’t had any alcohol since New Years Eve. Not to brag, and not sure how long this will last, but i wanted to share that God has laid this in my heart for so long. It feels good, i hardly miss it, and like i said not sure how long this will continue, but if i ever return to have a drink, it will be after consult with God my father. It’s amazing when we walk in obedience what he does with it. We think we can’t or it’s part of who we are.. but God has so much more for us, so much love for us, that all he wants is the best for us. He’s a good good father.

I’m glad i have had the time to catch up a bit and I pray that this somehow blesses you.

My anniversary is tomorrow, so you might get a double dose from me, My plan is to write tomorrow regarding this anniversary. So until next time, Trust Your Journey Beauty.

 

w Love,

Crystal

 

Get it Together!

Hello! How are you? I hope everyone is doing awesome! Happy New Year!

You know, I realize the last time i wrote, I left a lot of room for questions to be answered, and a what’s next. The holidays have come and gone and here we are 2018.

I have taken a new look on things, and I have decided it’s just time to move forward, grow, learn and continue to let God Lead the way! So the holidays were cool, we in Houston got snow.. Yes pretty big deal here. Thanksgiving was here at my house, as was, Christmas Eve, and for New Years, we partied it up a bit with neighbors. During this season, I went through a lot mentally, I worked a lot, put in my notice at work, had second thoughts, decided to stay after some negotiation and communication, and am currently pressing forward with Life in general. Each day takes care of itself. The journey continues. Work has brought many new challenges and growth opportunities      (mostly mentally), and I am thankful for it all.

During the holiday time, I encountered an opportunity to write weekly for an online newspaper. The paper is called The Roving Reporter and you can find my work  @ https://www.kimberlymsutton.com/  So let me share with you! Here is my 3rd Column that i wrote. It’s about my new column called ( Get it together with Crystal ) Enjoy and I will see you very soon! Love and still trusting my journey beauty..

Crystal

                 

Happy Holidays Everyone! Or shall I say Happy New Year! 2018 is here! And if you’re not celebrating, here is your cue! Let’s Celebrate! Another year is an absolute precious gift. But with all the new year articles around, I’m not here to talk about that. What I am here to do is share with you more about my column and why it’s called Get it together. You see I myself am working on getting things together, life, talks with Jesus, family, career, being a wife, a mom, a daughter, trying to be funny, and now focused on writing more amongst a lot of other things.

When I came across this opportunity to write this weekly column, I thought I’d love the opportunity to engage and take others along with me throughout this journey. As I admitted to Kim, the founder and editor in chief of this paper, the holidays had kind of taken me for a ride. A ride that I wasn’t quite prepared for. All I could do is strap on my seatbelt and go. Today I found myself at a breathing point to stop and get Get it Together together.

The first piece I wrote was about taking a leap of faith, going out on a limb and trusting God. Well now it’s time to put that faith into action. In case you never heard this before, Faith without action is dead. Or as the bible states, in James 2:14 NKVJ “ What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works?” So My plan is to create plans, put them into action and share them with you all. In other words, Let’s get it together, together.

I am not sitting here as someone who has life figured all out, or even has a clue where I am headed, but I do believe that many people are out there just like me seeking, searching for answers, and want some honest information, and overall, I think people need to know they are not alone on this journey. I am a (don’t like this word) busy working mom, with 2 teens, an adult child, a husband, a home, and still on the pursuit to follow God’s call for my life and dreams.  

I am pleased and happy to say I have also started a group where I can brainstorm and strategize my life and help others do the same. With that being said; what motivates you? Like I said, let’s engage, let’s create and share together. Life is too short to spend it unorganized and wrapped up in what feels like a Tasmanian Devil cloud. (ever feel like that?) What actions are you taking to move forward in your pursuits? In my next article, as it will be the new year, I am going to share a few things that keep me motivated (not that I am always motivated) but I’d love to hear from you and look forward to piecing together ways to not only motivate us, but to change the way we think, react and live. I apologize for the brief hiatus, now it’s time to get it together. Until next time xoxo Crystal

 

Backslider

Hi, my name is Crystal and I am a backslider, I have backsliding, I backslid.

This is what I FEEL. Ok, so first of all, the last time I wrote was a huge clusterf*** of craziness, chaos, and madness that had become my life. I didn’t even think, just wrote!

Life has been well….. life. So let’s catch up to speed. In late August ( after Hurricane Harvey) I started a new job and am now a general manger of a booming and upcoming hot spot of a restaurant in my area.

I never imagined this is where life would take me. I prayed about it. Wanna pray more about it and honestly, I am at a rolling with the punches stage right now. It’s not even a be still stage… it’s a roll with it, more is to come stage, and I’m not quite sure what. I enjoy what I’m doing right now, but I wonder , how long can this go on?

It’s a high stress role, and the whole,  wanna spend more time with my kids has completely gone out the window. On the other hand, having two high school aged kiddos (plus an older one) , hey.. we need the money. Children are expensive.. Total gifts from God above, but expensive.

I have to confess, the last few months, I have backslid. I won’t say I have departed from my first love, but I have definitely allowed things to get in the way of me and Jesus. Can you relate?

Drinking… so there’s that. Today, well I’m so thirsty for water, and for God .. but these last few months.. I have seen a glimpse of some old ways. In case you didn’t know. I was a party girl. The life of the party. When I first came to know Jesus, I learned I didn’t have to be that girl anymore. I loved her, she was me, she made me who I am.. but there was growth, reasons to live righteously , wanting more and far far too many reasons not to continue down this destructive path that I was on.

I’m not gonna say you can’t have a drink, or it’s wrong. I believe that each of us has a voice from god within us and God guides us through and to different paths. He has simply informed me, that this was not the way I should keep going.. Maybe its health reasons (I’m over weight and other stuff) Maybe I would do something I would regret       ( guilt and wisdom, two totally different things.) Maybe I would be not sober and miss an opportunity God has perfectly aligned for me at that very time. If you’ve ever been drunk or have enjoyed drinking the days away as I have, you know it can be waste of precious time.

So yes.. lately I’ve been drinking again, I blamed it on my job, I blamed it on stress, I blamed it on the fun I was having.. The truth is my husband and I love to have a drink or so and just have some fun! The problem lies when you don’t know how or when to stop. The fun wants to continue, and before you know it, you are too loose to care. Very Dangerous line to walk on. But not her… she is such a God loving, nice woman.

Thank you, but it’s time for me to be honest. Again.. (been here before)

If you want to pray for me, pray for me. Pray that I have peace and happiness without drinking.  Pray for Self control. Pray that I am strong and have wisdom.

I don’t even know if I wanna share this.. but for some reason I feel like I must.

Not only the alcohol , but less church.. less devotional time, less truly reaching for God everyday. I go up and down. I seek him, and I find him, and we’re close and everything is good. Then, I get busy.. work overcomes me, i’m sleepy, I’m depressed, I’m hungry. I wanna smoke, I wanna drink.. I wanna laugh I wanna everything else.. I forget I lose sight of my purpose, I’m hungover, I’m stuffed, I’m once again Empty.

Which leads me back to my blog, my voice, my insight.. My Jesus. He is always right here, when I just stop and seek. I sat with a friend not too long ago talking about dreams, and purpose, and what I should be doing and she advised e to return right here to my voice. You know why I write? I write because I want you to know you are not alone, you are not the only one who backslides, you are not the only one who screws up.. I write because the Lord calls me to, and I have a voice to share. By the way this is my October entry. It is November. but everyone say it together… I got busy!

 

Yall I love sharing all of this with you, I love that I can be authentic, real and honest.. I can’t say I always am,, because if I showed you what I’ve done.. and what’s inside.. then ya know it might just benefit a lot of people. Friends, family and strangers, you are not alone. I am not alone, and how dare I ever think that. Can I also share that I spent August and September in a slight depression. I’m just fine and going to be ok, all I have to do is trust everyday will work itself out.. and keep shining. God has created a light in me to shine, sometimes our bulb does die out, but if we have the strength, courage and smarts to open up and change out our bulbs.. we can shine ever so brightly once again.

This page is dedicated to my friends, Jamie N. and Anna C. You ladies are both so incredible and I know God has placed you both in my life for a reason. Let’s shine together girls. Let’s keep moving forward.

Pray for me yall, my job is crazy, I’m raising 2 teenagers, and still trying to be a sexy, good wife for my man! haha I need all the prayers I can get. Thank you for your time and remember to trust your journey beauty! 

Hi! It’s September!

Look, I had to take my computer and just get at it.

The last time you heard from me was May, I think I wanted to start writing daily, I had stuff to say! Life was starting to make sense. Then June came, I can’t remember the reasons why now and at the time it seemed pretty significant,  But I became momentarily depressed. By the time I snapped a lot was going on the kiddos were out of school for the summer.  This year was different, both that still live with me decided to engage in extra curricular activities. Which is Awesome, but a lot was going on. By the grace of God and his willingness to please us, and with his provision. We bought a 2nd vehicle. We had been with one car for almost 2 years.. Since I stopped working my Mary Kay business and did not re earn another free car to use. Anyhow, it was a great summer, my daughter started running cross-country for the upcoming school year, my son, ( middle child) joined a summer basketball league, and everything was just great.

I don’t know if I mentioned before.. But I was managing the wine bar.. and the wine bar started to take a turn. I had a feeling for some time, we were ether gonna go out of business or be sold. So of course, what do we do.. buy another car (so grateful) and take a trip to Disney World! Wahoo! Did I mention this was bucket list stuff! We finally took our children and our first trip to Disney! It was fabulous , ups and downs, and I’d love to share some photos from the entire summer very soon! I just needed to write now! It’s been too long!

There were new things happening all around us, I started running this summer with my daughter. My chronic back pain tried to stop me, but I didn’t let it.. I overcame, I sunk back in , I went up and I went down. I have fallen in and out of depression, and I have thought up so many things to write about in my head.  It was a great summer! It is now September the 15th and our city has just survived ( not all survived) the largest flood recorded in American History. ( google hurricane Harvey 2017) devastating.

So many friends and family’s homes were ruined, devastated, and forever changed. I’m not here to go into detail about that either right now.. But I needed to note that it happened.

In July upon returning from the Disney Vacation , I was sat down and in fact told that the business I was running was in fact going out of business. Closing the doors, etc. I’m on a short time frame here, but I wanted to share that too.

Today I start a new endeavor , just days after ( in fact some are there today finalizing all of the closing..aka picking up trash and moving everything)  I am beginning a new position at a restaurant/cheese, wine , and beer café . General Manager, is the title to be exact.. I wish to share these experiences with you.. but more than anything I wanted to come to you and tell you things that I struggle with and wish, hope and plan to overcome. I am a bit nervous about today, but what I have learned through my trials is that you just keep walking, making decisions and trust that God is with you every single step of the way. I wanted to close lots of doors with you, but feel like I can’t go any further without being who I really am. As of today, I am confused, I am scared, I am brave, hopeful and have so many weaknesses to over come.  I want to overcome

Obesity:

Alcoholism  – I think I’m an addict, but not really sure.. the fact that I haven’t been able to give it up for a week at a time in a while is where the problem comes in..

I suffer from back issues and chronic pain:

I doubt myself way too much and the list can go on.. But I want you to know, I am hopeful, faithful and always looking forward to what’s next. But for now.. I am concentrating on today, starting this new position, figuring out where God is taking me.. and praying that I can be obedient when I clearly haven’t been. I am human, I am a woman, and I make mistakes. We all do. I am far far far from perfect , but I am trying and I believe. If anything I am up to the challenge of leading way more staff members and hopefully positively impacting more people and also allowing them to impact me. God is good all the time and I appreciate the opportunity to spit this out to you.

I pray that your spirit is well and I pray you peace, love, and Joy in your life. Only God knows where we go from here and until we reach “here” all I can do is trust and keep on walking. Wherever you are today, I ask you as well to trust your journey beauty. ❤

May the 4th Be with you!

That’s it! Enough! I’m writing! Welcome to May! It’s May the 4th! Monday was May Day and yesterday, well yesterday was the third.  Where am I going here? Well at the end of April I mentally challenged myself to a few things.  # 1 I am refraining from drinking Alcohol on the month of May, Yes I had lot’s to drink in April.. Haha and I am also refraining from many other things, such as meat, but that’s not what this is about. In May I decided that I would write daily, something daily. Well it’s the 4th and here I am May Entry #1 , but I’m not gonna swell on the past let’s move forward.

I agree that fasting should be something very personal and is very personal to me, but in May I have decided to share my thoughts and all this to be a place where I make sense of some things. Don’t get it twisted, first and foremost I go to God and this is a place for me to share with others the direction, the journey, and so forth.

So far, May has been interesting. At work I’m still in the process of hiring the right people and moving full speed ahead. I have also re-asked and am re-asking daily to the Good Lord, where are you taking me? Where is this going? His answer remains to be seen, all I can do is walk, trust, and rejoice in it all.

Here’s to May! I hope to see you more often. Enjoy your day, and May the 4th be with you and as always!

Trust your Journey Beauty! ❤

 

Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places.

Happy April! How are you?

Ok, So it’s not love that I’m speaking of, or is it? So I’ve mentioned that I am managing a wine bar here in Houston now. I’m fairly happy with my job, I have freedom and some flexibility, I have set goals with my position, my job is challenging ( which is important to me) and It is paying the bills. ( I guess that’s what work is supposed to do right?) <I say that because I suppose you could say I’ve always been a bit more purpose driven, I want to do what I’m “supposed” to be doing.  Well I’m a bit behind on this blog post, I thought I saved a draft and it turns out, I didn’t .. Anyways, this month at work we began a new tracking system and set some pretty nice goals as a team. I was excited. I’m challenged.. you know things are going well. My husband (bless his heart for being on this journey with me) has been tossed in the equation by somehow starting a side business with me.  We are now catering on the side) We’ve just begun the business , but our dream with it is to open a small quaint restaurant with a small boutique ) We’ve got plans man! So this month, my husband received quite a challenging job, (we’ve knocked that out) We, I , well I still found myself thinking ok, what next, what next.. what next. It’s like get through all this first and then decide what’s next.. but this massive almost consuming like creature in me wants more… Always bites more than I can chew and doesn’t seem settled unless I have a million things going on… Does that make sense? One day I had free time on my hands and I tell you, I almost went crazy not knowing what to do .

I’m not sure exactly when it dawned on me, but I asked myself, are you seeking God? Are you seeking his will? Have you talked about all these plans with him.  A huge light bulb and a burst of peace w a side of tears came over me. That’s what I was missing.  I know I speak about God often, and it may seem like I stay in prayer and close to him, but my flesh runs like a wild woman, I can’t keep up with my flesh and I shouldn’t even try. My husband and I often sneak off to lunch, happy hour, or even just for coffee or tea. We have great conversation, we speak about our dreams, our children,  home , obligations, then he brings up bills.. haha  SO one day like most we went to have a bite and a drink , and I think we were both feeling a bit inadequate, over and underwhelmed at the same time. Something was greatly missing in our lives. We both needed more. I think we knew we needed more, but we sought to fill it with position, work, more stress? So I brought it up. I told him, I’ve got this job which I should really be happy with.. I’ve got goals to achieve and a time frame to do so. Why am I feeling like I need to do more? I told him, ” I think we both need to return to Jesus.”  Now you may be asking, wait you left Jesus? no nothing like that, but we have gotten so busy an so work focused that we have forgotten who we need to seek council from and who is the best to guide our paths. We pray daily, we speak to God but were we really sitting at his feet waiting for a word? Were we being Martha and not Mary ? ( see Luke 10:38-42) Busy serving and doing, and not seeking his word? He looked at me with that aha moment look and said, you know I’ve been feeling the same way. We held hands and knew that God has the answers and the direction we seek. We have recommitted to bury ourselves in him.

Now weeks have past since that conversation, Easter has come and gone, and the busyness is trying to seep in again. (not by choice) I have been short staffed at work and we have been pretty busy. Duty calls right? Well so does the Lord..  Brothers and sisters, let us not forget whom to seek and to take some time for our heavenly father. He deserves all of our time. ** side note I was a little mean to my sister on Easter. ( she kept cracking eggs in my dress, lol ) I asked myself after the fact.. Was that godly? was i in tune with God in that moment . The answer was no, you see it only takes a second to change your life, and it only takes a step in the wrong direction to turn your back on him. I pray that we all keep our eyes on him. I pray that we seek his guidance first. I pray for that peace that only he provides. The answer is so simple yet so hard to do sometimes and it is ours for the asking. Where will you search for Love for fulfillment for answers? As long as your journey is with God, and you are walking with him; then you can always trust it!

Let’s get to stepping! Thank you Lord Jesus for guiding me back to you!

Our Journey Continues and so does yours.

Trust Your Journey Beauty!

 

To My Oldest Son

So, tonight I’m here being a mom, worried. My son came in to town to visit us and spend the night with us.  It’s always a blessing to have him home. He will be 21 this year, how time flies.

He helped my younger son with his homework, I loved watching them work together. He stayed for dinner, I love making sure he’s fed a good meal, and he played a round of 2K w his brother after dinner. Unfortunately, the news came on and I saw that some severe storms were coming from his side to our in the morning and through all day tomorrow. Since he has to work tomorrow, I encouraged him to go ahead and go home for the night.

As much as I was looking forward to seeing him the morning, and spending some time with him, but it really was best that he not try to rush home through this storm tomorrow.

Needless to say, that’s where the worried part comes in. Dear Heavenly father, please guide him to safely back to his place as he’s driving very late. (it’s almost 1 am now)

It’s not just that, he’s working, paying rent, has some obstacles to overcome and so on….  Oh and he recently stopped going to college. ( I’m not going there right now) but in the end, it’s his life. In other words, he’s growing up.. or wait, he’s grown up! He’s on his own, and becoming a man.

A big part of me wants him on his home, but the “mom” in me wants him home sometimes. I mean I am glad he’s finding independence and has the desire to be on his own.. I just miss him at times, and wonder when will the worrying ever stop. I suppose it doesn’t.

I don’t know why, but I cry thinking about how much I worry, I worry about these ridiculous things that my mind has made up. Maybe some are true, maybe mostly not. The truth is, our kids have to grow up. It is a blessing that they do, because some don’t.  It’s really tough letting go releasing them into all that out there. I always have to remember what God got me through as a youth and how he was faithful to use me to grow from ALL that I carried with me. My son ( oldest) is my teddy bear, he is my first-born, and when he was a baby he took care of his momma. We have a strong bond, we have many inside little sweet things that only we have.. and nothing will ever take those moments away. The above Scripture.. Proverbs 22:6 gives me patience and hope. The only thing is .. Did I train him up the way he should go? I did my best, and pray to Jesus he will do the rest.

Well, as I sit here waiting for that phone call that he’s home, I thought I’d write.. share with you that you are not alone when you worry and ask that you say a prayer for me , that I stop worrying so much. Worrying makes me old.. and I don’t wanna do old .. yet..

Oh, and I did open up some scripture prior to writing.. that’s where I got the above scripture.. and as I just turned to one of my devotionals now I read a quick note about how it may seem that we are helping ourselves by taking matters into our own hands, however we may get in the way of God’s plans. You know , as I was sending my son home this evening with my whole mom knows best stuff, I wondered that. Maybe he’s here for a reason, maybe he shouldn’t go.. Earlier I prayed over my son at dinner time, and prayed quickly that God bless the decisions made this evening and decided to release it. God has the best plans for us. I always remind myself.. as much as I love my children, God loves them more.

By no means, do I ever want to interfere with God’s plans over my life or my children’s lives. God give me strength , wisdom, guidance , courage , and PATIENCE. I seek your word , your help, and want to first seek you always.

Earlier this evening I looks at my husband and said. This is just our first one growing up. Our next two are a year ish apart so that will come fast and furious.. Lord her my prayers, and bless my soul!  Until next time: Trust Your Journey Beauty!

P.S. He’s home ~ Thank you Jesus!

 

To My Mother who is alive and well

Mom- This post is for my momma.

On February the 17th- My husband and I had went to have a few drinks after I’d gotten off of work. After a few, we went home where I laid on the couch with my children watching tv.. then the phone ring. My niece. ” Grandpa just called, grandma is on the way to the hospital in the ambulance , she fell and is incoherent.

Incoherent was not something I liked hearing. We rushed over to the hospital where most of the immediate family already was. Nothing like this had ever happened to us. Grandma ( My mother is our Rock and our center.) This was not in the plans.. In Fact , my parents were gonna come to our house to kid and house sit as hubs and I went away for a vacation for a few days.

Look, I’m gonna go into details, I want to document this for me, for my mom and my kiddos. So this will be a long post.  

But when I went back to see my mom.. She didn’t look my mom , I’d never seen her so pale and .. well like that. My poor momma. We knew she had a temperature of 105 F which is pretty darn high. We knew that she had fallen off the bed and hit her head.. And all she could say was I hit my head, I hit my head.. over and over. I am a Faith Filled woman, I know God I know the Lord Jesus Christ, but nothing could prepare me for that moment. It was hard. Quite honestly, I stayed as calm as could be, it was our turn to be strong for her. she needed us. I put some socks on her, she was barefooted. I tried to comfort her and be an advocate for her along w my sister. My father… he was a mess. He kept repeating what happened.. and how she meant everything to him.. Us being who we were.. made jokes in the waiting room.. Daniel ( my bro) bought donuts and Jack in the box tacos.. I had a purse full of protein snacks.. and we all were just shook.

We stayed all night, mom was somewhat stabilized and placed in ICU , her vitals were all over the place and because she was not well enough nor responsive enough and MRI was out of the question. We were concerned that she had damaged her brain during the fall.. had a stroke, or fever had caused some serious damage.

Mom went into ICU where one thing at a time occurred. Her fever was dropping, her BP was extremely low, She talked clearer, then unclear again. She couldn’t move.. swallow and didn’t recognize my brother, she said hi to me , smiled, spoke clear again , then back out again. We had hope ,then became afraid.. We didn’t know what was going on. We learned she was severely dehydrated, and had some sort of infection causing fever to spike.. My mom is a diabetic, but oddly enough her sugar was just fine.

After a day or so, it was determined she had a kidney infection and was thought that the slurred speech, confusion and other similar symptoms were from the infection which had turned into toxemia / sepsis. My mother continued daily to tell us she had hit her head, and an MRI was still not an option as she wouldn’t sit still through it. There were times she was sharp as usual and there were times of despair. At one point, she slept pretty much for 2 days straight and didn’t eat for about 6 days.. we were WORRIED to say the least. I went to her house, I cried.. a lot, I prayed a lot I cried some more. My faith never left me and the good lord never left my side. All of those bible verses kept popping up, Do not fear, I am with you. I will never leave you, Trust in ME ! I knew that prayer works and that this was not a time to let my guard down nor my faith. Pretty quickly after mom went to the hospital, I did alert the praying warriors in my life. It was tough because a lot if questions were asked, and more and more people started to hear the news and became concerned. I did go to Facebook and announce a little something, and asked for much needed prayer. I had so many calls and texts and people telling me how they were praying for mom. We in my home lit candles, prayed a lot and never lost faith. I had so much comfort through praise and worship music, and comfort directly from the lord. He knew we were scared for our mother.. Jesus too must have been scared for his mother as she wept for him, but he looked adversity in the face and never lost sight of his purpose.

My younger brother was able to fly home from Hawaii and we all pulled together like mom would want us to. She’d be proud of us. One thing she is always saying that she thinks she did a good job raising us. She did.. We all pulled together really strong for her. Not putting ourselves first but doing what was best for her. I want to thank my husband who through it all , prayed, kept the house up , and held my hand through it all.

Adversity comes in our lives.. and it’s not a matter of if it comes, but when it comes.. are you strapped up in Armor to be ready for the battle. The devil comes to laugh , to kill, to steal, and destroy, but Jesus came to give us everlasting life and no one can take that away from us unless we let them. I personally continually praised the lord for every breakthrough she had, prayed for the doctors and nurses. Mom was a handful at times.. A time or two I went to pray over my mother, play worship music, and even colored this while visiting.

God Is My strength and Power and he maketh my way perfect.

A few times I felt afraid and lost, I wasn’t ready to lose my mom, and knew with all of my heart it wasn’t her time. We have so much to do still. I came to the hospital and reminded my mother that she’d live to be a very very old lady. I used to get mad at my mother being unrealistic saying that she’s live to be 110. Well momma.. go head on w your bad self. I selfishly asked the lord to spare her and to heal her.. and of course mindfully and respectively asked for his will. He knows best always. God works in mysterious ways.. Did he just wanna stop my husband and I from going on our trip? Did he want to bring my brother home from Hawaii? Did he want to grow our faith? Did we need to be reminded of what she meant to us? Did my dad need a reality check? Did we need to increase our prayer life. Or did God simply want some time with mom. We don’t know, but he does.

For me personally , revelation came as I stopped counting on mom and us to be strong, when I admitted that weren’t strong enough to get through this alone.. We needed the Holy Spirit to intercede, and when that prayer went up, the blessings came down. My sister went to church that same night to  light candles and if you knew my sister.. lol you know that’s a big deal. My family praised and prayed and prayed and praised, and no matter the outcome we decided, God is Good all the time.

To this day.. My mom is still in the hospital, and God Willing is having her final procedure done tomorrow morning and will be sent home tomorrow as well. She’s been through so much.. Her brother passed away God rest his soul, My Uncle Julio just a few days prior to her going to the hospital, and yes we heard her talking to him. She called me tonight afraid and tired of being n the hospital. She’s been out of ICU for about a week now and in the hospital now for a total of 16 days. In hospital stay terms.. that’s a LONG TIME..

I got sick while she was in there.. my dad pulled his neck, my daughter broke her sweet little wrist.. all while she’s been in there.. But God is still great all the time, He never promised life without trials and difficulties. In fact he shares we will have them, but we needn’t fear, for he has overcome the World! Thanks be to God for strengthening us, and Thanks be to God for never leaving us nor forsaking us. I firmly believe God is shaping my mother, he’s not finished with her yet, God has decided to continue to use her on this earth for a purpose we do not know. Our sweet little cranky , feisty, loving momma. Te amo mucho mom.

Until next time, whatever comes your way.. even when its hard.. especially when it’s hard.

Trust Your Journey Beauty!

 

P.S. – Mom I love you, I have peace with you, You are an incredible woman, I know in the past, well it’s the past. I love all the times we’ve shared.. I love and look forward to many more great times. You are my hero, You taught me how to be good, you shared the Lord with me, and you showed me what strength is and what it means to not give up, ever. So I will see you tomorrow. Gods got this.

My Mary Kay Business.

So here it is, the whole reason I started this blog, the first thing I thought I’d talk about.. well other than beauty.. which hasn’t occurred either.. ( cosmetics beauty) but yeah, My life with Mary Kay.

So. I will add to this day I am an active Independent consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics. I get my products at a discount and still enjoy serving customers, and adding team members when they want to join.

Off and on I have “done” Mary Kay for about 8-9 years now. I first started to get a discount, and learn marketing and sales, since I was in Real Estate school I thought I’d need it. ( which I did) Did well with it, sold lots, got busy w career and family. Stopped doing Mary Kay.. picked it back up a year later for the discount.. didn’t do much with it, put it down .. never thought I’d pick it up again.. but yup I did.

Long Long Long story short , I started again this time with a dream to make a six figure income.. or at least enough to quit the job I was so unhappy at. I missed my kiddos, I worked all the time, and bottom line I was unhappy. I entered again with the idea of becoming a leader in Mary Kay to make at least 50,000 a year. I had ambition, drive, I missed my kiddos and wanted to work from home so desperately so I joined with a very great reason to make it. I knew exactly what I needed to reach the next level over and over again and I made it. It wasn’t easy, but I never wanted anything else like this before. I craved being my own boss, making great money, entrepreneurship, and working my own hours, flexibility , etc.

Through the process, I learned so much more.. 1st of all hustle, you gotta hustle.. you have to work hard, be willing to push through challenges, and persevere through all of the disappointment. Like with all businesses there are always challenges, and plenty of downs.

The ups.. the ups are more than worth it. Accomplishment, Goal Crushing, Achieving things you never thought possible, or even thought of doing. My mind was expanded , shifted, changed forever. I grew up pessimistic , believing I would work for a check and nothing else. So yes, my small mind was shifted like never before.

Well, I earned one of those Mary Kay Cars, ( not the pink one) and I became a leader in Mary Kay . ( a sales director)

I was happy, challenged, and learning something fantastic everyday. When I first started blogging, I mentioned.. that I had a home based business that I had failed at.

The truth is.. I didn’t fail, I gained and learned so much more than I ever bargained for. I will never again settle for less than happy and I know I am capable of anything I set my mind to.

My sales Directorship came to a halt about 3  years after earning the title.. and the truth is.. I didn’t fight enough for it, I didn’t see the next step.. and when it happened.. I was in shock for about a year.

I started this blog the month after this happened, in attempt to speak about the beauty business, and regain a new audience.. God had other plans for me. My blog became a save haven for me to hide, for me to share, and a place for me to encourage others. We’ve all had and will have more failures, lows, and disappointments in life. I felt like a loser, like a failure and a quitter.

But the reality is, I never quit.. I’m a winner, and God has a season for everything in life. Some are longer than others, and some are for various purposes.

The shock for me was, I believed for so long that this was a calling, and my purpose, and then not to have it anymore.. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Have you ever been there?

After all that reflecting I did last month, I found peace. I know that God opens doors, and he closes them. We can all be busy making plans and deciding the next step.. but at the end of the God is the father almighty and his will, will be done.

Today I was inspired to write this to you and to me.. I am happy! I am blessed, and I am highly favored. I recently received a promotion at the wine bar I work at to the Manager. I am more than thrilled, challenged once again and feel like everything I learned in my Mary Kay business led me to here. I don’t know what the future hold, but I do know God is good and he is always working behind the scenes. I’m so excited about what’s next. I’m so excited to Market, Business Develop and Grow this business that has been handed for me to do so. Someone trusts me that much to hand me such a gift. Thanks Be to God for trusting me with his people, with yet another leadership role and for new beginnings. I work hard, and love that I am blessed enough to do so. The next time something slips through your hands, or the next time things don’t quite go the way you knew they would. I’m going to ask you to sit back breathe, KEEP GOING, and

Trust Your Journey Beauty!

P.S.~ To My Mary Kay business thank you for everything! Thank you from the bottom of a grateful heart for all of the lessons and blessings. To my mentors who fought for me and who were probably disappointed in me, Thank you for your Love, Compassion, Passion, Fire and Energy! Thank you for believing in me, and showing me how to believe in myself.